There are three types of people in this world: those who get gas when the light comes on, those who don’t let the tank fall below half, and those who fill up when they think about it. I am a “gas light” girl both as a driver and in life. I will go until I can’t anymore, but I’ve been increasingly longing for stillness and I now know why. Three years ago you couldn’t pay me to sit down. Life was about getting everything done and sitting still was a waste of time. Back then, se
Behind closed doors, I’m a different person. I discovered this within the past two years when I realized my home was the one place I could remove the mask I put on for the world. I’ve spent the majority of my life playing roles. In every situation I had an idea of who I should be and conformed to the part. From the outside, I looked like the perfect Christian, teacher, daughter, or girlfriend, but I wasn’t being the best Jasmine because I wasn’t being true to myself. If the p
Valentine's Day is Thursday, and that used to mean something to me. It was always a defining moment for whomever I was talking to because it showed me where we stood. The day became an annual let down. I was so pressed to be in a relationship, I ignored the signs telling me “not now.” I wasn’t prepared for what I wanted. I underestimated the process, and rushed myself into problems (or repeated let downs). Truth is, whether we’re preparing for love or business, worthwhile out
I didn’t plan on writing this post. I knew I wanted to do a series on love for February. I even intended to make a fancy connection between Black History month and today’s topic. However, I’ve been blocked all day and mentally drained. Truth is, I have a lingering issue weighing on me. I’ve been struggling with a lesson that mirrors a topic I’m constantly revisiting when it comes to love: letting go. Right now, I have a decision to make. I’ve needed to take a stand for a long
The luxury of being single with no kids is not having holiday obligations. Instead of worrying about gifts (which I told my family I wasn’t interested in exchanging as of two years ago), I'm taking time to reflect on the year and prepare for 2019. Don’t get me wrong, family is EXTREMELY important to me, and I WILL be spending quality time with loved ones over the next week. However, in the midst of the demands of this season, we each owe it to ourselves to take a moment to l
Parenting and upbringing play a greater role on adulthood than I realized. Whether our childhoods were traumatic or ideal, personal development is mostly unpacking the behaviors and mindsets learned when young. For me, a girl from an authoritative Christian household, my journey consists mostly of finding my individuality. Growing up has been separating what I want, feel and believe from what’s expected of me. For decades, my behaviors and thoughts have been guided by what wa
The way you do one thing is the way you do everything. My brother told me this a while ago, and the more I attend therapy, the more his words ring true. When issues rise in various aspects of life there is usually one common thread connecting all the problems. For me, it always starts with a lack of boundary setting. The idea of boundaries sounds limiting. No one wants to be told what they can and can’t do, especially as an adult. At the same time, I don’t know one person wh
I finally realized why I haven’t found love. I’ve spent the last decade in search of something I’ve never defined for myself. I was chasing what my parents have: a man like my father and a 30-year marriage. Truth be told though, I’m not my mother, the world is nothing like it was 30 years ago, and I’m just starting to get to know myself. With all this unpacking, it just hit me this weekend that I have no idea what I want. I’ve seen this with women around me. We all know peopl
I went for a run this morning in the middle of the woods. There’s a trail not too far from me surrounded by trees and accompanied by a stream. It’s a taste of serenity, but when I’m running or driving, I hate stopping- even if it’s to soak in a moment. Today, though, I had to make an exception. I was forced to pause, and pausing is something I know all too well. I’ve taken myself off the dating market. This seems to be a difficult decision for people to fully grasp, but it’s
This weekend I received a text from my mom informing me that she rode by my house two times at different points of the day and didn’t see my car. When I called her, she proceeded to tell me, “I read your blog about slowing down. Did you read it? You need to follow your own advice.” Oh, do I? I wonder where I learned this. Sad thing is, she wasn’t the only one to call me out. And, after sending myself to bed early to avoid a stress migraine last night, I've realized I don't kn
I entered this spring feeling like a dormant seed: buried, isolated, and unseen. It was too cold for me to grow; the only thing I could feel was rain. There wasn’t enough oxygen to breathe, and what I had inside me wasn’t enough to sustain me. I was submerged, and no one knew. With all the talking I do professionally, I never fixed my lips to speak to anyone about what I was feeling personally. I created the soil for my own suffering. My default was to keep going, but when I
I wasn’t going to publish a blog this month. In fact, I was going to hold off on blogging until I made progress in writing my book. I convinced myself that my blog was a distraction and that the posts I had in mind weren’t good enough, so I decided to focus on one thing at a time. While my reasoning sounds sane, it’s also a bit selfish. I’ve been holding on to what has been given to me, because I didn’t feel it was good enough to be shared. My insecurity is the real problem.
Less than a month into 2018, I’m already being forced to learn lessons. I posted a quote a few weeks back saying, “Choosing between good and bad is reasonable. Choosing between good and God is faith.” Whether or not you believe in God, the latter part of the quote requires you to evaluate if the “good” in your life is necessary. Maybe, like me, you’ve eliminated all the negative vibes (people and situations), learned how to practice self-care, and you love the work you do. Ye
For over a year now, I’ve been shedding. I’ve watched habits fall off and people drift away. Sometimes it hurt. At times it’s caused confusion, but it always worked out in the end. Maybe we’re similar to caterpillars. We are meant to transform, and with growth, we are constantly shedding. At a certain point, we sit alone and undergo our own process of transformation. We can’t really explain what’s happening, but if we disturb it, we could affect the results. At first, I didn'
I spent the last three months trying to make the perfect greens. My first two attempts fell short of expectation, but the batch for Thanksgiving was perfect. (Ask my family for proof.) In hindsight, there was one key element that changed the outcome of my greens drastically, and I’m learning that the plans I’m cooking up in my own life require this same ingredient. In my family, everyone has mastered certain dishes and mine are greens and apple pie. While I had been strugglin
Tiffany Haddish is one of my new favorite people. I first discovered her in the movie Girls Trip over the summer. Honestly, the first time I saw the movie, I really didn’t connect with her character. She was too loud, uncouth, and argumentative for me. I thought to myself, “I don’t have any friends like that.” A week later, when I saw the movie again with my girls, they told me that I’m “that friend” in a lot of ways. They left me with a lot to think about. Haddish, debuted o