I was one show away from being done with the HBO hit Insecure. Getting bored with the lack of update in Molly’s love life and the lack of progress in Issa’s, I gave the show one last chance with episode four. Luckily, I stuck around long enough to see Issa find someone new. Finally! I won’t assume he’s "the one" for her, but there’s something to be said about the work and time it takes to attract something different to your life.
In the show Insecure, I’m not an Issa fan- everyone knows I identify with Molly. However, the truth is both women are fumbling through life trying to balance work, personal growth, and love. I can’t blame anyone for that, nor is it fair to judge Issa’s, or anyone’s, path because it doesn’t look like mine.
Nearly a year ago, I made a commitment to focus on me. I realized, that I was so consumed with finding love, I hadn’t stopped to realize the unresolved parts of me were attracting the same person over and over again. I spent three years dealing with people unwilling to commit until a light went off for me last November. I realized, I had work to do. There were things I needed to address within me, in order to prepare for the person I wanted to attract.
... a light went off last November. I realized, I had work to do.
In this state of healing, my path didn’t always look like my friends thought it should. There were guidelines that I set and didn’t set based on areas of growth I knew I needed to make. Healing doesn’t look one particular way. Ultimately, you have to do what’s best for you. Watching Insecure, I was so frustrated with Issa for not being clear about her wants or actions, but that was her process, and at the end of the day, it was working for her. Many people were upset with Molly’s “inconsistent” boundaries set in episode one, but to me she was making progress very similar to the kind I make for myself.
When it comes to healing, you have to do it for yourself in your own way, but you'll also need resources to push you forward. My process included personal development books, therapy, podcasts, and the Relationship Goals series by Mike Todd. As I grew internally, the relationships with my friends and business partners evolved externally. I watched myself become more vulnerable, communicative, assertive, and most importantly comfortable in creating space for my needs. You know you are on the right path, when the relationships you currently have are strengthened by your personal growth.
As I grew internally, the relationships with my friends and business partners evolved externally.
The law of attraction doesn’t lie. People around us are our mirrors, so if you find you are attracting a certain kind of person and you are seeking something new, look in the mirror and take some time to renew yourself. When you open up yourself to heal and grow, you will attract exactly what you need. Ask Issa.