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Cuffing Season or Naw?

September 16, 2018

 

            Summer ends this week as my favorite season, autumn, begins. Being born in the fall, my love for multi-colored leaves and hoodie weather is not surprising. There are others though, who simply hate fall because it’s replacing the warmth and freedom of summer. For teachers, fall means back to work, and this is not always exciting. At the end of the day, our perception always shapes our reality, and relationships are no different. What may be enjoyable to others, or even most people, may not be received well by you, and that’s okay.

What may be enjoyable to others may not be received well by you, and that’s okay.

    I find that the seasons are not the only thing changing right now. In a conversation with a friend this weekend, I expressed that I’m in a transitional phase. I’m seeking and attracting very uncomfortable situations that are sharpening skills I will need on the next level. At the top of the list are skills like being direct, setting boundaries, and saying no. Most recently, I was tested in a situation where a gentleman was doing all the “right things” that were honestly not “right” for where I am in my life. As a person working on her own development, I knew I couldn’t be passive aggressive about this; I owed it to him and myself to be direct about my expectations and boundaries. Whew, that was such a stretch for me! 

            When I tell y’all he was saying and doing ALL THE RIGHT THINGS, I truly mean he met EVERYTHING on my checklist. For days I questioned myself for not “being open” to them. I beat myself up for seemingly wanting unhealthy situations when at the end of the day, I needed to realize two things:

            1.He and I had never set expectations for what we wanted out of our budding relationship, so my feeling of discomfort was normal and indicative of my need to be direct about what I needed and wanted.

            2. There’s no such thing as what you are “supposed to feel.” The “right thing” done at the “wrong time” is equally as off-putting as doing the “wrong thing.” We shouldn’t “judge” our feelings based on what society deems as acceptable; be true to your inner voice.

            Once I realized our differences in perception, I was able to validate and respect my voice and needs enough to lay out my expectations. To me, he was content with settling down with the falling autumn leaves while I was still very much enjoying the freeing summer breeze. It’s okay to be exactly where you are.

It’s okay to be exactly where you are.

With “cuffing season’ upon us (the time to find someone to keep you warm during the cold months), don’t let any outside force determine what you need. If little things seem to be frustrating you, check and acknowledge your perspective. It’s perfectly normal to be single and content or healing and happy. Everyone doesn’t see the season the way you do; don’t be scared to speak your truth.

It’s perfectly normal to be single and content or healing and happy.

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