Yesterday I almost deleted a post from instagram because I was momentarily caught up in the limited number of likes. Both logically and spiritually, I know that my purpose and calling are much greater than social media validation, but that didn’t change my feeling in the moment.
If we’re honest, every now and then our journeys are sprinkled with moments of doubt or insecurity. I used to judge myself for these feelings, but now I accept them as a natural way of thinking given the societal messages we face. I will not, however, internalize these messages because regardless of the support, hand claps, or likes I have a responsibility to take my space in this world. Marianne Williamson said it best, “As we let our light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”
“As we let our light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”
Truth moment: I have trouble taking up space in the world. I’m well aware that from the outside in, I seem very comfortable walking in my light, but honestly acceptance is a new space for me. I haven’t always valued my voice, journey or story, and I often spend more time thinking than I do talking. I live more in my head than in the moment. I just started learning to articulate vulnerable feelings, face conflict, and voice my needs. For me, the close of 2018 will be the end of many unhealthy practices in my life- especially when it comes to my thinking.
My moment of doubt about my instagram post was tied to how I felt others might perceive me. Yesterday was the five-year anniversary of me being hospitalized for two pulmonary embolisms (blood clots in the lungs). I was grateful to be alive and wanted to share my gratitude and story publicly. Because I posted the story on facebook first, I thought repeating it on IG would seem like I was looking for sympathy. I almost let my assumption of other people’s critique affect how I promoted my testimony. Fortunately, I was distracted by a DM (direct message) that came through.
The start of the message said, “I’m so glad I read your post…” My instagram post -with three likes at the time- blessed someone who is currently experiencing a similar situation. My post spoke to her spirit and her message was a blessing and reminder to me that EVERYTHING I am doing, no matter how small, is needed. I cannot continue to shrink myself to fit palatably in everyone’s perception. I have to boldly take my space. I have to remember that this journey is not about me. No matter how many times I tell my story, there will always be someone who needs to hear it.
It is natural to have doubts, but it’s not healthy to let them stifle you. Someone needs to hear your story. Use your voice. Take your space.
-Jasz