I stated last week that my year of 30 has been a year of shedding. I like the sound of that. It’s philosophical and artistic. In reality though, it’s been rough and uncomfortable, yet admittedly necessary and rewarding. Today, I’m inviting you in to the step by step of my shedding process. :Insert deep breath: Welcome...
1. Shedding is an active process. I wouldn’t say my lessons are in chronological order, but this is the first step. Habits and people don’t just fall from our lives, WE have to take action in some way. That can be setting a boundary or having a conversation; it requires something. Every transition that took place over the past year, started with me.
In some ways, I still struggle with this. I allow other people (often men) to dictate the relationship. I can be diligent about not reaching out to them and focusing on me, but when they reach out to me, I’m still learning to hold strong. It is OUR responsibility to teach people how to treat us and to create space for our own growth and peace.
2. Shed your silence. I told my therapist I’ve been working on being direct and assertive, but she challenged me in shifting my thinking to the fact that I’m simply speaking my truth. I’ve done this a lot more since turning 30, but I still get anxious about how to say certain things. Too often I prioritize being nice over being honest. While building the skills of speaking up for yourself, know that the delivery doesn’t have to be perfect, but your truth NEEDS to be shared.
3. Shed your fear. Whether conscious or unconscious we all have fears. I often have a fear of relinquishing control which is ultimately a lack of trust. I also have unspoken fears that were at the roots of my decisions and responses to people. It’s important for us to understand these layers of ourselves in order to operate wholly and authentically.
Earlier this year, I had a disagreeable exchange with a friend. I was highly offended by her tone and made sure we discussed it. In talking to her and unpacking my offense, I had to admit that I was intimidated by her because I had an unspoken insecurity of how equally dominate women could share a space. My perspective clouded the moment and caused me to internalize the interaction. That was my own issue. We have to be honest about our own baggage, so we don’t project it onto others.
4. Shed your comfort. A “Level Up” squad is priceless. You have to find people you trust and respect enough to be vulnerable with so they can sharpen you. We NEED these connections! Over the year I’ve stopped rushing time with friends and started opening up more about personal downfalls and struggles. In these spaces, my friends are able to challenge me and push me to do and be better. They hold me accountable, and I receive it. This is both rewarding and essential.
5. Shed your oversight. It took me a while to accept where I am in life, particularly as a single woman. Accepting the season you’re in doesn't happen overnight, but it was needed for me to be able to capitalize on this moment.
In the single department, Relationship Goals by Mike Todd was a turning point in my perspective. Once I understood and accepted the freedom I have as a single woman, I was able to maximize my focus on business which led to a revamping of business structures and priorities. My productivity has sky-rocketed as a result. We won’t get to the next level overlooking our current position.
I’m sure there are other lessons I picked up over the year, but these were some pivotal moments. Hopefully they save you time and heartbreak. 😊
See y'all at 31!
-Jasz